Apparently I exist. That is annoying. Sometimes it doesn't feel real and I think I'll wakeup and not be here. But I am. So I have to deal with it. acaollege is also a real thing. I bet I am gonna fail this semester. I barely passed some stuff. I made some friends but I don't feel like I can actually connect with anyone. But that is irritating. I complain about the passage of time, but I obviously will keep missing stuff if I don't live in the present. I was feeling nostalgic over my last day of school, but I remember that on that day I was feeling nostalgic about other school day. I'll only stop aching for the past if I actually live it. And all this nostalgia and weird longing for long gone times leave me wondering if the things I "care" about are really important to me. Do I really like anything I say I like?
Well whatever. I am getting into acting and cinema and I am genuinly enjoying it because it is the rawest way of producing and inducing emotions. I wish I just didn't get so overwhelmed with choice in regards to what to do with time. My mom always told me to keep it simple, but there are so many possibilities of things I can do and be! I want to be multiple, to be infinite! And other times I get so overwhelmed because I really don't know what I think about life. Of how to think about me, about others and everything. There's no cheatcode or anything similar, and all I have are my trial and errors that aren't helpful, at all. I get so scared of how the world works, I mean, there are so many takeouts and ways of facing life. And you will never know if you took the right one, this sentence itself is also a way of facing life of which I am not sure about.
Sometimes I choose to ignore life in generasl and just act on impulse to feel something. It works.
I didn't change much I think, I am just in a different type of lonely. My spotify wrapped was interesting, apparently I am the beatles' biggest fan but i only know 3 beatles' songs. I know I shouldn't feel weird about the decade ending, but shouldn't I really??
Nothing is ever the same.