mmm bat soup
WELCOME TO MY CORONA DIARIES
(they're a bit late since I've been quarantined for like a week as of the beginning of these diaries- 21st march)
Day 1-8 (march 12th to 20th)
School got cancelled for me on the 11th at around 10 pm. On the 13th school was cancelled nationwide. The boomers in my house still go out and do not give a crap about the fact that the government declared an emergency state! I love them a lot but jesus christ i do not understand how people can be so selfish and ignorant. It felt surreal to listen to our president and prime minister talk on live national TV, knowing everyone in the country was tuning in to listen to the broadcast, for me it felt like something out of those apocalypse movies.
I'm kind of tired of the people making toilet paper jokes on facebook (i don't use facebook but now that i spend all my time with my family they don't stop showing me those god awful wattered down boomer jokes that they found on fb), it has been going on for like a week... And all the jokes about the quarantine are the same and so formulaic... It was funny in the beginning but now I legit don't get it. I get it, I'm stuck in my own house hahaha funny, haha we no go out heheheh dj quarantine hohihohoho. Who the fuck allowed old people to have phones.
Day 9 (march 21st)
I miss going out with my friends. I miss hanging out with them, even though our schedules were almost 100% imcompatible... I'm tired of being stuck at home, I'm sad I can't tutor people anymore and make money for myself. I am angry at my family for being so out of touch. I'm angry at myself for giving a fuck about what other people say. And I am very angry because I had actual plans for the summer and the upcoming months, my grades were even getting better. But now, my teachers don't know how to use modern tech and they suck at giving us online classe. I guess I will spend most of my time on Khan Academy studying Calculus, and perfecting my skills. I even made a quarantine bucketlist but I feel like I am mentally drained and have no motivation to continue this shit...
Day 10 (march 22nd)
I pulled an allnighter and my brain was fried all day. I went for a walk in my neighborhood because nobody was out, and I didn't see anybody. I started watching 13 reasons why season 3 and it brought back so many junior year memories. I had like an epiphany but lowkey forgot it cause my brain was retarded.
Day 11 (march 23rd)
Woke up hella late and I think I missed my online classes. Screamed at my dad. I hate actually bonding with my family, I'm used to being neglected and I don't want to talk with anyone. My dad and my aunt get drunk and it's annoying. My grandpa is a dumb boomer and is always making sexist remarks about everything women do. He is also afraid of people that are smart and knowledgeable.
I wish famous singers and artists would stop singing for us on social media and started donating money to help with the crisis. The only good thing about all of this mess is that our environment is recovering but I bet people will fuck it up as soon as they can. I am also kind of angry at people that are like "oo now that we have this pandemic situation we can use the internet as a tool, elders can have designated assisted shopping hours and help, all of a sudden disabled people can work from home, hmmmmm suspicious hmmmmmm, government bad.." Elders are being helped because now that literally everybody is stuck at home, it is easier to help, we don't have to spend the same ammount of time getting ready or looking "presentable", we don't have to commute to work, so of course we have more time to help elders. We obviously can't go to school, so we have to resort to online platforms and conferences, but the assisted learning that schools are offering to us is nothing compared to services dedicated solely for online school. Also, lots of schools have activities that requires being at school. You can learn a fuckton of shit about labs, but if you've never done a single task in a lab you won't have much ease. Once again working at a location is usually more efficient than working from home. People have their heads way too far up their asses and think they're woke.
Day 12 (march 24th)
I legit just went to online class and almost passed out. I fucking hate this. I was not meant to be stuck at home for this long when I finally have real life friends!!!
Day 13 (march 25th)
i woke up late as fuck and missed online class but hope my teacher uploaded the classes. I am so tired fuck my life I hate everything and everyone. I want to buy a new phone so I can have a better camera on it, I was gonna save for a Huawei maybe, but now I can't even work. My grandpa still leaves the house to go out and chill at the café! I bet the guy is running the establishmemt illegally, since the government said all food places need to fucking close.
Day 14 (march 26th)
I can't recall what happened yesterday, I know I procrastinated. I just forgot to type it down and my memory has been failing recently.
Day 15 (march 27th)
My country declared a state of emergency (not today, some days ago) and my grandpa still leaves the damn house to go out and hang out with the other redneck friends of his. I am getting tired of people who say they don't care about the virus because it is not affecting them personally. Yeah ok edgelord, but don't you think that if you keep acting this wreckless we will have to stay at home for longer? Because of people that think they are so brave we will have to stay more time at home ruining the economy. I am tired of waking up everyday to go and check how many people died and got infected, to then stay home. I hate this.
Day 16 (march 28th)
I need to commmit to studying. Otherwise I'll always be ostricized by my dad. I am fucking tired of living to expectations why can't people accept that I am not really smart I just had luck in highschool I am not built for any of this. I can't stand people. I hate people so badly. I am not anti social. I have a nice group of friends and I talk to anyone quite easily, but the complex way in which every single aspect of the human mind and society functions both grosses me out and amazes me, and that's too much confusion for my brain.
Day 17 (march 29th)
Yesterday I told my family I was gonna make pancakes for breakfast, for today's morning. I set an allarm, but I fell asleep. They started bashing me for waking up late. I have told them many times about how mentally unstable I am. I understand that they see waking up late and going to bed at a late hour as something negative, but I only do it because I honestly can't stand them. I feel that if I don't fucking take some hours of the night for me then I don't really have time to do what I like. I can't stand most people because of asperger's. Any weird noises they make drive me fucking insane, I know it's not their fault and I have to work through this but I have even more underlying issues than being in the autism spectrum. I honestly can't stand quarantining with them, because they ignore all the things I say and act as if they know everything. And I fear all of this rage I have against them is turning me into some time of narcissist which is something I am extremely afraid of becoming. I need help but I can't even see my social worker because of the lockdown. I need help and I have issues that go far back.
Day 18 (march 30th)
I made pancakes for my family.
Day 19 (march 31st)
I didn't sleep that day. I took a huge nap after my online lab class. All days are melting.
Day 20 (April 1st)
Missed class. Can't stand anyone and I feel like I am going fucking rabid. I think I hate so much bread. I can't remember. My phone stopped working and I needed for some online classes I don't know what I am supposed to do now. I want to unleash my rath on someone. I also started listening to brockhampton.
Day 21 (april 2nd)
Missed class again. I am going crazy I can't listen more fucking shit about this stupid ass virus, I can't stand my family anymore. My grandparents are angry at the lockdown, not because you know, it sucks, just because they don't care about anyone but themselves. If they fucking die I'll play the ok boomer song at their funeral. I hate my grandpa. I don't want to be this rude, but they are pushing me to my limits. Old people's idea of being funny is actually being rude. I don't care about their demented asses. I hate this. I honestly miss being neglected by my family. I do, at least when I lived in africa in my shitty delapidated building nobody ever fucking bothered me. I didn't really fucking mind it, I am tired of people getting in my fucking business I was not meant for this. I want friends, but if my family wasn't here since the beginning being functional then I don't want them up my ass being fucking annoying.
Day 22 (april 3rd)
FCUK SHIT! At around 1 AM I had a mental breakdown while listening to scum fuck flower boy. I haven't cried this much in my whole life! I just feel bad and I don't know why, I am tired of my feelings and not even knowing what they are!!
Day 23 (april 4th)
I'm officially on spring break. I woke up relatively early but felt very depressed and leaving bed didn't really feel like it was possible. I hate this time of the year, polen makes me sneeze and people think it's corona.