Been following this channel on yt for a while, I really like this girl's work : D https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIAw7kXNMRQXfeSZTEO2MEg

I'm testing out a new way to make my homepage, I was thinking about using flexbox to make the layout but at thesame time i like the challenge of making a website that would function in the late 90s or early 2000s. Here's the link for the test page https://suckmagl0ckhs.neocities.org/testa

I'm gonna trip balls today. I'm gonna lemon tek some cubes and think about life. I'll probably write a report for the reports page. Wish me luck : D

Hello people of neocities, I am rewatching serial experiments lain :)) My school year is ending soon, only 3 more weeks of intense studying and I should be free. Every year I reflect more about my academic mistakes. When I initially came to terms with my adhd, I thought I had "cured" myself because I started living a less stimulating life, working out etc... But then I had more things on my plate and suddenly I became addicted to most forms of media again. I feel so odd. 5 years ago I would genuinely enjoy wasting away on the internet, but these algorithms that are cattered to suck in our attention make me feel so lifeless though addicted. I don't enjoy how they found the perfect exploit for my attention, I feel violated even, I just yearn for the times simple time management and emotional regulation was enough to keep me feeling good. On that note, since I have been feeling as though the youtube algorithm really sucks now, because it just reccomends "garbage" most of the time, I bring you this cool extention I found for chromium based browsers, Unhooked: https://chromewebstore.google.com/detail/unhook-remove-youtube-rec/khncfooichmfjbepaaaebmommgaepoid?hl=en&pli=1. I don't want to rebel against social media and media consumption just because, but its more recent itterations are just too inhumane and engaging. I know big tech and all of the shitty sillicon valley dudes are happy with us farming money for them but I just cannot see this experience as more than an empty existence. Whereas in the past I felt I could build community, now I feel I'm doing slave work. My rant ends here. I've been radicalized quite a lot ever since I moved out. I come from a low income family and seeing my upperclass friends in school not be aware of how they have been drowning in the privilege of capital started making me question my life. I see their parents own companies and barely be in office, mostly living off of the resuts of other workers. Meanwhile I see my mom and dad, never able to start up their dreams because they have such a tiny amount of capital to "play around" without going bankrupt that they simply don't try anymore. I want to be able to live a comfy life, without having to exploit people, and would love to pay things for my parents as a big thanks for all they have given to me.

Content consumption is my end. I feel as though i am stuck in this freeze response. It's very hard not to be like this and I am working on it. I went through a worse phase, where I would literally watch youtube or instagram reels from the moment I woke up tot he moment I went to bed. I'm not as bad now, but I feel like I am sinking a bit. I am older now, but i feel as though my prefrontal cortex could do some work and make me less scattered. I want to make things, art and be creative, actually allow my thoughts to turn into something, my sensations to turn into something. I feel like the internet, as it became more and more efficient at catching our attention, has eaten me up. I grew up here because I had no friends, now I do and have a very nice life, but I feel as though the internet is eating me alive. I go online but don't feel much joy anymore. I hope tomorrow is a better day. For now i leave this gay bar lain edit i found on youtube that made me smile : ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq0_ApTwNH4

New update page :D I'm gonna try and talk about interesting things here.I'm gonna get a serial experiments lain tattoo. I traced a frame from the opening and tomorrow i'm meeting up with the artist to get the work done :)))